We are dealing with painful events and more of these are probably coming our way. It can be tough to realize we can’t stop the hard stuff from happening. So how do we cope? By accepting that this is our reality—for now. The adjustments, changes, unknowns, adult tantrums, child tantrums, overwhelm—it’s here. Do we fight against it? Hide? Freeze up? Yes…some of the time. And at other times, we could look at our circumstances straight in the face and reply, “Yes”.
Here are some ideas and tips to help you find a sense of freedom:
1. Learning how to accept things as they are is a skill. It takes practice.
And it’s ok if you aren’t sure you even know how to accept things as they are. That’s part of why I’m writing this—to help you develop strategies that work for you. The first step may be that you don’t know what to do. And that’s ok. Here are a couple questions to start with:
Can you recall a time when you let go of having to have a certain thing happen, or go your way?
Can you remember a time when you flat out refused to accept reality, and it lead to even more pain and suffering?
2. If we fight against reality, we can’t take steps to change our reality. We are just stuck fighting an impossible battle. To start getting a grip on accepting reality, in order to then take action and possibly change reality, try this activity (Adapted from DBT Skills Training Manual):
Consider one or two important things in your current day-to-day life you are having trouble accepting. For example, trouble accepting that my child is cranky, mean and rebellious during lockdown; using my willpower to get her to change, which makes it worse.
Assign a number from 0-5 to indicate how much or little you are accepting this part of your life, or yourself. 0=no acceptance (fighting against, denying, avoiding) 5=(complete acceptance, embracing chaos, at peace with it)
3.Life (as it is) is worth embracing and living—even when it is painful, scary or overwhelming.
Pain (emotional or physical) is a signal from the Body-Mind, Mother Nature or some other phenomena that something is wrong. And something is wrong right now—very wrong. We are experiencing a pandemic and the impacts it brings. It is natural to experience the pain of this. Basically, it’s normal to feel like soot right now AND it is still possible to embrace living your life as it is.
Here’s the thing—as you accept the raw truth of reality, you may feel worse at first. More sad, more irritated, more off balance. And often times, as you move through the worst of it, you find deeper acceptance, calm and peace on the other side.
4.Acknowledge there were a series of events that led up to this moment. And there were a series of factors that led to where we are right now with COVID-19. It happened and there is nothing we can do to turn back time. This orientation may help if you tend to think, “It shouldn’t be this way!”
5.If you are struggling with accepting, make a pro’s and con’s list
What are the positives of denying, avoiding, fighting against? If things are too overwhelming, denial could be useful to get you through a day, an hour, a conversation. What are the con’s? After a while, if you are avoiding by consistently numbing (say with alcohol) you may start to feel more depressed, hopeless, isolated and confused.
This is just a starter—there is so much more you could do, consider, or implement to help you be able to ride these painful days with grace, honesty and love. Contact me at info@amandarebel.com to learn more. Be well!
If your anxiety is out of control because of the pandemic, anxiety treatment can help. Reach out to me through my contact form to start your healing journey.